39 weeks pregnant - Last of the weekly updates!

Welp, we've made it folks -- thanks for sticking around for the long haul, of what seemed to be the longest, biggest pregnancy ever! We have 3 days until we meet our little big guy and I.cannot.wait. 

Since making our decision, we've had a lot of great support -- we are so appreciative of the love, comments, emails and texts we have received. It shouldn't REALLY matter how a baby is born into the world, because we are his parents regardless, but it is comforting to know that those who care about us are in our corner!


The days have been dragging -- it takes alot to find something to wear and get out of the house these days, but I am sick of being cooped in too. I do find that if I go out and "do too much" I will pay for it later, namely in the form of insomnia, bad back aches, cramping, night sweats and hip/leg pain. 


A girl can only sit on the couch so long though, so I went out by myself yesterday to get a smoothie and run some grocery errands. It felt nice to be part of civilization and not sitting on the couch watching 90210 reruns. (Right now they are airing "Graduation Year: 1997" episodes and they are a riot). 

We took these pix at exactly 39 weeks (yesterday) and holy cats was I exhausted. I am getting sleep in 2 hour increments, and sporadic at best. I know this is baby "training" me to be ready for late night feedings and the like, but I'll be damned if shit isn't uncomfortable. I had tried unsuccessfully to take a 2 hour nap with the lights off and AC pumping before Glenn got home - to no avail. Hence the puffy face and tired expressions. 


All I seem to do anymore is read the babyboards, info about c-sections and breastfeeding, c-sections and exercise, c-sections and complications. It is becoming a bit nauseating even to me. It's been a relief to talk to friends about their lives and everyday things like NORMAL people not in a housebound baby bubble are experiencing. Thanks for checking in, ya'll. 

Poor Glenn has been working his buns off at the school...this is their "busy season" so it's alot of all hands on deck late nights. The week we deliver and will be in the hospital is a SUPER busy week for him, so I know it is stressful. He is taking that week off through Memorial Day and then Grandma Niter will be back in town helping out while we all recover and look to achieve some essence of a routine!


It'll all work out how it is supposed to work out, eh?



How far along? 39 weeks, 1 day! 3. more. days, dude. 

Baby Size: Supposedly the size of a "small watermelon" but let's be REAL. 

Total weight gain/loss: Holding steady at 36 right now, which I think is a pound over the "recommended" healthy weight. But you know what? You can bite my giant pregnant ass if you think I really care. I am DYING to be able to work out and would've loved to continue to take walks and lift...but after our last visit to the Doctor I didn't want to put myself into labor before our planned date as I've read that if your water breaks there is no real cushion left on your back = ouch and potentially a broken tailbone. I do hope I can have a speedy recovery and take the baby for walks soon after we are home and settled. I've read horror stories about people who do too much too soon and then end up ripping their incisions and throwing themselves into MONTHS of recovery so I don't want that either. I am just antsy in general...and know that c-sections tend to make you puffier and full of fluids for longer so I should give myself a solid 2-3 weeks before I step on scales and expect to see any real numbers drop. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about it though. I NEED TO STOP READING THINGS ON THE INTERNET. 

Maternity clothes? Shmaternity clothes. On days I leave the house it's a maxi dress or leggings...on days I am stuck housebound it's sports bras and shorts or underwear. SUPER ATTRACTIVE and lovely for Glenn to come home to

Stretch marks? Same old guys are still there, and I think getting redder. they are all under my belly button so that is a some sort of kindness, because if they got any higher where I had to not strain to see them I think I'd be a bit sadder about them. I have to be real with myself and say hey, you're carrying a ginormo baby/look ginormous...what did you think was going to happen? I still slather all the dumb creams on them....I think they would look nice accentuated with my csection scar anyway...it's going to be a good look for 2012. 

Sleep: I think we've covered this. It blows. But I can handle 3 more days of bad sleep, and then expect to have worse sleep in the hospital for 4 more days! All that matters is that fattykins getting here. 

Best moment this week: Our doctor's appointment Monday and subsequent rationalizations therefrom. It felt good to finally just make a decision and jump headfirst into what we can expect from there. 

Miss Anything?  Being able to move around better without feeling so crampy/bach achey and worrying I am going to throw myself into labor if I exert myself too much. That and sleep. 

Movement: Yes - most days a good bit of it! I think he is getting annoyed with his squashed living quarters and just wants OUT these days. I don't blame him. Since he hasn't descended he feels like one big huge ball sitting on my lap. He has a routine usually from 1AM until 3AM where he tries to kick! and stretch! and wiggle! Sometimes he kicks so high/so hard that I gasp. Already taking mama's breath away...

Food cravings: Milk has been big as of late, which I have been eating with Oreos (healthy!). I think it's a I need calcium thing, doubled with a comfort food thing. I also have been crushing fruit like it's going out of style. 

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Glenn made some soup last night that smelled terrible to me....but other than that it is mostly just the queasiness from the cramping that has been annoying. 

Have you started to show yet: What is this I don't even....I think we all know the answer here. .

Trying very hard to fit both of us in the frame, here

Gender: He has a little winkin, blinkin and nod down there

Labor Signs: I've had back pain and cramps and nausea for a good week plus now with Braxton Hicks here and there but none that are really timeable or trackable. Hopefully things stay as is until Monday - because I really have a neurotic plan in my head and going into actual labor sorta throws that off a bit. 

Belly Button in or out? Officially flat. 


Wedding rings on or off? still on! My feet/hands haven't really "preggo swollen" I think my hands are getting a bit more swollen (they always do when it gets hot outside)

Jesus God am I huge. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! Elated to know when he will be coming, and excited to have him with us! 

Looking forward to: Calming down and just letting him arrive. Everything else will fall into place after that!

Top 10 best and worst...

I have sorta had this list in my head for awhile...well, little tidbits I have remarked to myself  throughout this first experience being pregnant. So without further ado:

Top 10 best pregnancy perks:

1.  Your body has a utilitarian purpose. It isn't just about being in shape to be cute, or to wear fun clothes, or to have some vanity induced quest for attractiveness. Your body is to grow and house a baby -- as your belly and hips swell, your face breaks out, your skin stretches...it is all for an actual PURPOSE.
2.  Taking long walks with your husband (and subsequent foot rubs). After 5 months I couldn't run anymore...I took up walking as a not-so-challenging but still helpful form of exercise. These 30-60 minute walks have brought us closer together, even if we are just chatting about our days, what's for dinner, or what we have to buy at Baby's R Us.
  
3.  Support from unexpected places. I have really loved the guidance from friends both near and far, as well as closer relationships I've built through facebook, instragram and the like. People I haven't talked to in ages, or weren't that close to pre-pregnancy have really shown to be huge motivators throughout these past 9 months. It truly takes a village. 

 
4.  Your body's natural inclination to desire what it needs. For me, this was a shit ton of fruits and vegetables. What is it about sugar snap peas and (currently) pineapple that my body craves and why? I understand why some women get pica during their pregnancies...sometimes such food is beyond satisfying. Is there something my body is missing that it is gaining through crushing through these delicious green beans?  See also, quests for greater meaning for things....and taking a more holistic view about the world in general. 

5. Making you more thankful. The obvious here is having an appreciation for your own mother, and what she has done for you (and Niter was the best!)  .... but to also to celebrate other mothers (young and old) in your world...it makes you have a greater understanding of the struggles, joys and triumphs that women go through. From being terrified for loss the first few weeks, with every twinge being a sign of impending doom...to seeing your friends celebrate their baby's 1st birthdays, and the excitement around having that one year notch of success under their belts. 

6.  A greater sense for what's important. Having been an anxious mess the majority of my life, it is hard for me to "let go" of past hurts.  I can be very self critical and have always put too much emphasis on what everyone else is thinking. Having a greater purpose than myself has made it alot easier to determine if something worrisome is really going to matter in a week, a month, a year. It doesn't mean I have a tougher skin, it just means I have less time to devote to desperately clinging to situations I regret, people I no longer speak to, and continuously over-extending myself to people/activities that don't warrant my time and energy. 

7. The initial flutters, and eventual strong kicks from your baby...this has hands down got to be one of all mothers favorite parts of pregnancy. For 19 weeks I studied my own belly, and waited, and waited and waited to feel anything. I am glad that although I have an anterior placenta, that I was able to feel him as early and consistently as I have. Jerome loves his kicks too. 

8. People giving you the pass because you're pregnant. It's okay to cry in the restaurant/at work/at the grocery store for no real reason because hey...hormones. 

9.  The obvious : buying baby shit. It's cute, it's bright, it's fun to organize. We have been truly spoiled by friends and family....and of course I may be really, really, really good at shopping. I hope this baby boy is thankful for all the love and endless amounts of plastic stuff bestowed upon him! People have asked if our nursery had a "theme" or color and when I've shown them photos they have been blown away at his nursery. I couldn't be prouder of how our hard work came to fruition. 

10. The excitement. It is palpable. The world loves a pregnancy/baby. People want to tell you how their own pregnancies went, how they carried, their labor stories. Or just to smile and share a knowing look when you waddle down the culdesac. People have been really supportive, complimentary and kind (for the most part...) and for that we are grateful! 

Top 10 not-so-fabulous bits of pregnancy

1. Lack of control. While it's great your body has the greatest purpose in the world carrying a child, it is nerve-wracking to not fully understand the how's and why's and maybe's of the anatomy and physiology of carrying a baby to term. 

1st trimester : is there even a baby in there? 

2nd trimester : is my cervix going to keep this baby in to viability? 

3rd trimester: is a normal delivery even a remote possibility for me? 

Not to mention, why is my hair so scraggly? Are these breakouts going to leave scars? Are those stretch marks? How much weight am I gaining already? Will my boobs EVER get bigger? (Okay so that one is for vanity purposes alone, if I was ever going to get boobs I figured it'd be during pregnancy) Not so much. 

2. The industrialized notions of prenatal care. I feel like sometimes I am a number, shuffling through the system. Stats on someone's paperwork somewhere. While the quality of care has been great, the bedside manner has been virtually non-existent. The "reasons" why you can and cannot qualify for care based on insurance or the doctor's discretion can be really frustrating, as is waiting for appointments upwards to 2 hours at a time for less than 10 minutes of actual interaction with your doctor. I know I should really seek out a therapist if I want to get all touchy-feely about this huge change in my life, but sometimes it feels like the practice I go to invests only as much as needed to get through their appointments. 

3.  People who don't care. Not everyone is a "baby person". Not everyone will understand the challenges of getting yourself dressed and out of the house at a decent time when every step you take causes your pelvic bones to grate on eachother and make you limp in pain. Or you're so nauseous it is everything in your body not to drop your head down on your desk/vomit all over the place. Not everyone will care that you're excited you picked a name, painted the nursery, got maternity photos done. And that's perfectly fine. Pregnancy is your own little joy-fest, as mundane as some of the milestones are, they are yours to enjoy - alot of people get annoyed with the sonograms, bump and shower photos inundating their newsfeed - let 'em block you/hide you/make passive aggressive statuses about you. Just own this, this moment, this joy...nothing else matters. Laugh about it and carry on. 

someecards.com

4. Not getting the "benefits" of pregnancy. The glow, the shiny hair, the great skin, the kindness of strangers. My skin broke out worse than puberty, my hair never got full and lustrous, and I don't know if it's Baltimore...or what, but I notice no real change in the atmosphere of folks around me. My friends in NY and PA have marveled at how nice people are, holding doors, giving seats, or just smiling and being excited and engaging in conversation -- which HAS happened to me when I have traveled out of MD....but locally not so much. 

5. The pain. Nipple pain, pelvic girdle pain, hip pain, calf cramp pain, digestive pain,  lower back pain, can't-get-comfortable-too-hot-it-hurts-to-turn-over pain, it-feels-like-someone-dropkicked-my-crotch-pain, nothing-tastes-good-and-I'm-hungry-pains, just to name a few. I also hear that childbirth can be painful. 

6. Lack of patience with people's "kind suggestions" and stories. Yes I know I carry big. My "oven" cooks 'em big I guess. No, there's only one. Yes, they've done sonograms. Multiple times. Yes, my boobs are small, I know. I wish they'd get bigger, too.  Sure, I'd love to tell you how much weight I've gained. That's awesome you only gained 20 pounds and lost it all in 5 weeks.  Doesn't seem to be the case for us. No, I don't know how I can get any bigger, but I'm sure to find out these past few weeks. Yes, I do have stretchmarks, I think it has something to do with my rapidly expanding belly and child that is gestationally large for his week-age. Yes, I stay hydrated, have slathered creams on each night and take very good care of my body. It's awesome you didn't get any, heredity is a bitch for some of us. Yes, I am still working out. It is okay for your heartrate to go over 140 BPMS. Yes, I've asked my doctor and gotten approval. Sweating is okay, lifting is okay, HIIT is okay. Yes, we are excited. Yes, we know our lives are going to change. Yes, we've heard they cry alot. I too, hope to not get a colicky baby. Yes, I am aware our sleeping is going to be affected.  Yes, I know diapers are dirty. Yes, I have changed them before. Yes, I understand cloth diapering can be hard. No, I don't think I'll give up on it and go to disposables. Yes, I know breastfeeding can be a challenge. I am sorry it did not work out for you, but please don't try to put fear into my efforts. Yes, it does make sense for us financially for me to stay home for awhile. No, I don't think I will regret it. Yes, I understand this may make me "less employable" in the future. Yes, I think "staying at home" is a full time job, daycare providers get paid a decent fortune for this. Yes, I think it is economically more feasible to put $1500-2000 in our pockets than pay a stranger to watch a 12 week old baby. Yes, I know labor is hard, painful, life threatening. I am just going to go at it with my best intentions and take what comes as what needs to happen to have a healthy baby-healthy mama. No, we are not sharing names...no matter how many times you ask. No, I can't give you initials, or middle names, or swear you to secrecy. Once the name is out there, it's out there, and that's something that takes away from the "special" part of it that seems intimate as a family. Yes, my husband is black, so the baby will be mixed. No, I can't guess what "color" he will be. Yes, even full-black babies are born really light. It takes months for them to get their "full color". Yes, I hope he has an adorable full head of curly hair too. I will love him even if he is bald. No, it doesn't sadden me he may not "look" like me, because he is created as nature intended and I will love him however he "turns out". Yes, I do hear alot that "mixed babies are the cutest", but that is not why we had him, we wanted a baby. No, I am not currently worried about him "having to pick a side", he will be Baby Boy Lovelace, with Leah and Glenn as his parents, and that is all the identification he needs. Ahem. 

7. Not being able to buy/fit into all the cute summery clothes.  Probably going to be stuck in some hideous-post-baby excuse for a bathing suit complete with ruffles and skirts all summer. 

wrybaby.com

8. Awkardness. I can't cut my own toenails really, I have to tie my shoes to the side because it is all I can reach. We all know that shaving is a bitch, and I have about 7 pair of underwear that actually fit. My granny panties are fully on and popping and I've had horrible panty lines since 5 months on. About 3 "workout" shirts fit, and I am constantly tugging them down to not look like the trashy girl working out with her belly hanging all over. I have flat out given up on maternity pants for these next few weeks. They can burn in a fire as far as I'm concerned. Shit shall be awkward and uncomfortable for the duration! 

9. The list of things you can't have/do. See also :good sushi, horseradish, caffeine, booze, skydiving, illicit drug use. 

10. Being worried about blowing out my tailbone and ladybits in one fell swoop or having an unnecessary c-section and regretting not going through with "traditional" labor. Or blowing through the former AND having a c-section to boot! 

Here is a nice photo of how he is turned, and why it could be detrimental to my tailbone health (and sitting down ability)

I can't wait to have this kiddo, and come up with a whole new set of lists....hopefully all of them will be cheery displays of the perfect labor!  Cross your fingers for us!

33 weeks: adventures in anterior (placenta) -- big babies, hypnobirthing and Ina May

So if you know me personally or have followed a bit of this blog you can probably surmise the following:

1. I'm excited about this baby, bigtime
2. I love 3D ultrasounds
3. I'm neurotic to a fault

That being said, of COURSE we got another 3D ultrasound done at exactly 32 weeks. Every time we've gone to the technician we have had someone new, this time it was the actual owner. She was very conversational and seemed to love what she was doing. She asked me how much I thought the baby weighed at 32 weeks...I gave the babycenter approved range of  around 3.75 lbs as my best guess.

babycenter view at 32 weeks..aka what I looked like at 17 weeks

She said, guess again...so I guessed 4? She kept pointing up towards the ceiling. 4 and a quarter? Nope. 4 and a half? 

just how big are you in there?!

TRY *****FIVE***** (worthy of 5 asterisks) POUNDS

I of course was happy he was growing like a champ, but having known 36 weeks babies who were born at that size I was a tad alarmed. I know the ovulation date and date we conceived so his due date/my gestational timeline should be right on track. She then used a tool to measure his head and it read at 35 weeks 1 days, and she said he was in the 89% percentile. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

That's my big headed baby! But oh, was he beautiful! Look at that sweet face and dare I say luscious lips? Unsure where he got those beauties from but I cannot wait to smooch them!


If babies grow a half pound each week in their important final trimester, that would put this kiddo at a comfy 8.5 to 9 lbs based on the tech's opinion. WHAT. That sound you hear is my pelvis creaking. 


She also was able to verify he was head down but face up (sunnyside/posterior) which is a recipe for some awful back labor per Dr. Google. 

But again, those lips! I die....

I've read that babies tend to snuggle up to their placentas, but homeboy is in there straight SMOOCHING that thing. I have a feeling he is quite comfy. All of this wouldn't bother me so much had I not been recently revolutionized by the idea of natural birth. If I just planned on having an epidural and being pumped full of pain medicines I could probably take it in stride. The problem is I have been struck by the holistic, "pain is mental, contractions are natural" guidance of "The Business of Being Born" (Damn you, Ricki) and started reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. 


Both really delve into the notion that our bodies are made for this (duh) and that society has ingrained us to believe that labor has to mean intense pain. Alot of it you can approach positively, (each contraction gets you that much closer to your baby) ... it's called labor for a reason because it is WORK, but it doesn't have to be laden with fear. 

Reading natural birthing stories has been very motivating for me, and because I have conditioned my body so much during this pregnancy I think physically I could handle the actual physical "labor process". My fear lies in the fact that I tend to be high-anxiety (I can get panic attacks having a dental exam), I've broken my tailbone in the past,  he is sunnyside up/back labor/potential to get stuck pushing for hours, AAAAAAAAND the idea that he may be a big boy strikes the notion from my head I could possibly do this medication free. 


I really don't want any pitocin because of it's relation to stalling natural labor, causing more interventions, causing potential likelihood of a c-section, either. 

Oh, but that face. He will be so worth whatever happens. I plan to discuss with my doctors what their thought process is in terms of his size/likelihood to flip....and then we will take it from there. I have also downloaded Hypnobabies, which is either going to totally calm me down, or will frustrate me because of my lack of patience. The thing is I am so neurotic and prepared that literally EVERYTHING is set up for this child to come....perhaps studying hypnosis anesthesia and guided meditation will give me a healthy reprieve from packing and re-packing our bags and re-folding cloth diapers. 


In any event, I've been trying to stay really positive and learn more about the process and what I can do to best reach my goals. I know right now that part of me would be disappointed if I can't make my "idealized" view of birth happen...but nothing goes to plan with labor. I can't beat myself up for trying, even if I do end up with an epidural. One day at a time, ginormo baby!

So in other news, we've been growing steady! At my last visit I told the Dr. I had been noticing some leg cramping at night, and she suggested "slowing down", which unfortunately isn't really in my life plan right now. I have doubled up on my potassium intake and upped my calcium as well, but I do have to admit that she could be somewhat right. On days I really work myself hard (aka the elliptical machine) I have noticed increased pain at night. Earlier this week I rode that thing for 45 minutes...and end up waking in 3 hour tangents to release the pressure in my calves, butt, and hips...and to of course pee. 


No amount of post-workout stretching seems to make a difference. The only thing that cures the pain is standing up. A friend who is also preggers attributes this to all the weight we are just chilling in the middle causing the rest of our muscles to not have as much blood flow/more pressure. All I know is that it took me until 4PM the next DAY to feel reduced pain. Up next: more walking, less elliptical. WOMP WOMP. 

How far along? 33 big bouncing baby boy weeks!

Total weight gain: Up 28 lbs still...unsure if that's related to the fact that out of nowhere like the bitch that she is, nausea showed up earlier this week. I had 6 straight days where I would get hit with the overwhelming urge to throw up all over my desk at work, or need to go lay my head down. After having zero nausea at any point during this pregnancy I was really surprised it happened at all. The only thing I can attribute it to is him growing so much and getting so big that he is taking the oomph right out of me. I still managed to workout a few times and I think that ended up being my salvation. Knock on wood I've had 2 days with no vomitis so hopefully it was a fluke thing. I also keep gatorade and honey nut cheerios by the bed in case little dude is just needing a snack. 

Maternity clothes? I wore a maternity dress (hand me down) this week and got a lot of compliments on it! So yeah, I can embrace them here and there. 


Stretch marks?  Still holding strong!


Sleep: Kinda not the best, but getting it in where I can. I just told Glenn as I was typing this that being on my side already is hurting and he reminded me that in a few weeks/month we will have a good reason to be up off our feet to have him to tend to ... I'll be missing sleep pacing the floors with a baby, not to rid myself of leg pain. Love that man!


Best moment this week: Hanging out with Alexis in Frederick, scoring some more cloth diapers, and starting and getting 80% of my cloth diaper stash washed and put away (would be 100% but 8 more diapers came in the mail today). 

Miss Anything? That 2nd trimester powerful feeling of working out and the idea that I could "OWN" this labor process and  get him out like a champ. I just need to realign my goals and keep staying positive!

Movement: I can now feel his little hands burrowed deep into my pelvis, above the bone. It's the weirdest sensation of him tapping around in there, and sometimes he puts pressure on my pelvis. Still feeling his feet up high!

these big feet like his Daddy!

Food cravings: Since nausea reared her ugly head, I've been downing cheerios and bananas. Nothing too exciting unfortunately. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Sometimes the smell of meat. The other day at work the water coming from the faucet smelled weird to me....so maybe my pregnancy nose is back, or never left and is heightened?

Gender: 3d confirmed he's got quite the sack on him


Labor Signs: Nope, unless the nausea and leg pain are compounding issues...still feeling pretty dandy other than that!


Symptoms: Forgot to add pelvic girdle pain....that is unfortunately a nightly affair as well

Belly Button in or out? awkward halfski

Wedding rings on or off? On! Still no major swelling (knock on wood)



Happy or Moody most of the time: I had an awkward crying jag at Trader Joe's this week with a coworker, being anxious about things out of my control yet again, ie; my work replacement, projects ongoing, people not RSVPing for shower number 2, etc....it does feel good to be emotional at times and just RELEASE. Guaranteed the next day I usually feel happy as a lark. Hooray, hormones. 


Looking forward to: Seeing family this weekend for Easter, and next week being Baby Lovelace's Big Baltimore Shower! After that we have a few classes to take and are basically in the clear and counting down days until we meet this sweet baby boy!